


We All Keep Secrets

by LotusSeed



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Amnesia, Christine is a transfer, Colorblind Character, Colorblind Christine, F/M, Flowers, Human!Squip - Freeform, Jeremy is a flowery child, Magic, Magic!Jeremy, Stagedorks, Temporary Amnesia, The squip is a human, Typos, flower symbolism, i’m writing this on my phone, transfer student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-07 00:47:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14069253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LotusSeed/pseuds/LotusSeed
Summary: We all keep secrets, but Jeremy Heere’s are more serious than others. They have been for years.His secrets have cost him a lot. His only friend, any chance at making more, and an entire year of his life.However, he’s not going to tell anyone this secret anytime soon. If there’s one thing modern media has taught him, it’s that anything strange must be kept secret at all costs. And if developing unnatural, almost magic, abilities doesn’t count as strange, nothing does.





	1. Abnormal

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter as a lot shorter than anticipated and I am deeply sorry.

Jeremy Heere seemed normal - antisocial and weirdly anxious in crowds, but normal nonetheless.  
Seemed. He hadn’t been normal since fourth grade.

Specifically, July nineteenth, the summer before said grade started. He had been doing summer homework (which exists for some reason) and his mind was wandering. The boy had simply wanted the packet to be done already, or at least the two pages he was supposed to do a day, and before he knew it, it was. The clock had jumped forward a full thirty minutes, and the problems? Finished. In his handwriting. The problems were solved as he would solve them and with answers he would write. There were even a few new doodles in the margins.

Over the next few days, more strange occurrences popped up. Things would start floating if he got upset and he’d turn invisible if he was anxious. His overactive young mind had no trouble accepting that he had magic or that he should keep it a secret. In fact, it was so fed on cliches that he didn’t even think to tell anyone - not even his parents or his best (and only) friend, Michael. Especially not his parents or Michael! If there’s one thing he knew at the time, it was that parents and best friends were the worst enemies of “special” people.

Despite how awful he was at keeping secrets at the time, Jeremy managed to keep this one. It was honestly a miracle, actually. He had to be insanely lucky that something in this (rather unpredictable and in no way "set") powerset didn’t go haywire, but he actually got them under control by the time school started.

Despite how superhero-movie-fed he was at the time, Jeremy wasn’t interested in learning more about his abilities. He was completely uninterested in them, actually, aside from one or two situations where he used the invisibility aspect to sneak something off a table or cheat on tests. Overall, though, he acted normal. He may as well have been.

  
-/-\\-

  
The year of sixth grade was the best year of Jeremy’s life.  
At least, others said it was. From the stories people had told, it would have been if he had actually experienced it.

It was a couple years later. Jeremy had gone to bed excited for the summer after fifth grade and woken up on the first day of seventh.

Everything had gone downhill from there.


	2. The Guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn about what Jeremy’s been up to, and the dorks meet. Jeremy gives his instincts the middle finger.

Now, Jeremy was sixteen. He didn’t exactly have any friends - he didn’t trust himself to handle human interaction, so he had just... stopped talking to anyone. Michael included. He’d watch the other students sometimes.

Michael seemed to be good friends with the short kid, Rich. He also spoke sometimes with a somewhat popular girl, Brooke, who in turn seemed to give them all points with Chloe, Jake and Jenna, who were also pretty popular. Basically, everyone seemed to be on decent terms with each other at worse and Jeremy spent all his time writing in The Guide.

The Guide was a composition notebook labeled “Jeremy’s Guide to Emotions and Magic.” He made it in seventh grade with the mindset of a fifth grader, cut him some slack. It was just what it sounded like - after the Sixth Grade Incident, as he dubbed it, Jeremy started researching magic like crazy. He needed to know what had happened that year, and recording everything he learned was the best way to do so.

There were various sections. First up, the changes that had come. Gold veins branches off from beneath his eyes and on his arms, as well as his irises. Next up game the Emotion Guides. In the vein of cliches, sometimes strong emotions led to strange outbursts of his... Abilities. He decided to settle on that. There were two categories - Flower Emotions and Item Emotions. The difference? Well, imagine you’re rating the intensity of your emotions on a scale of one to ten. Five through eight would be a Flower Emotion, and nine or ten would be an Action Emotion.

Flower emotions were somewhat self-explanatory. They caused a flower or other plant to appear around him- usually in his hand or pocket, but sometimes they would practically rain from the sky. However, the flowers were small enough to be easily hidden. He had a simple list that filled less than half the page.

Next up were Action Emotions. These were a lot harder to conceal - they’d cause something to happen, and usually not a small thing. The list was actually shorter on this one, as he hadn’t felt enough strength in most emotions to see if there even was any response.

The Guide continued to just become a mess. Occasionally there would be a proper story, such as The Invisibility Incident (he had been punished for skipping school, but Jeremy had tried to be there... just, nobody saw him) or The Cat Incident (don’t ask) and even a small few pages in the back dedicated to things he hadn’t expected to learn from gaining Abilities, yet had anyway. That list was currently rather short, with just three items: how to draw (from the occasional necessary sketch,) the meanings of various flowers (from Flower Emotions,) and causes of amnesia (take a wild guess.)

That day, Jeremy got to add a new item to two different lists.

^^vv<>A<>vv^^

Jeremy didn’t know why he brought he guide to school. After all, someone finding and reading it would be awful. There was the favorable chance they would think it was just a very dedicated writing project, but it could go far worse. You’d think he’d be more careful, but no. He always brought it with him. So, while all the other juniors sat with their friends, he’d reread old writings and edit them. Somehow, their was always a new mistake to be dealt with. It was never perfect. Or maybe it was just Jeremy imagination.

Since he always sat alone, the boy could also practice small tricks under the table. Summon small objects, change his eye color, so on and so forth. He was in the middle of such an attempt - red tulip petals - when he heard an unfamiliar voice pipe up.

“Can I sit here?” It came from behind him.

“What?” Jeremy panicked for a moment, making sure the petals were gone, before turning. “Oh, uh-“

It was a somewhat short Asian girl, with a red dress and a jacket. “I mean, the other tables are full-“ She made a wide gesture. Sure enough, the other juniors were sitting at small tables with their appropriate groups of friends.

“Um...” Every one of Jeremy’s instincts screamed to say no, he hasn’t really talked to people for years and _this is a complete stranger!_

“Sure.”

“Thanks!” The girls sat down, then offered her hand. “I’m Christine.”

“Uh, Jeremy.”

They sat in silence for a while before Jeremy took out the Guide, careful to cover the title with his sleeve as he read.

“What’s that?”

Jeremy jumped as he was suddenly reminded of his companion. “Oh, just something I’m, uh, writing.”

“What’s it about?” Christine glanced at him, putting down he water bottle.

Jeremy mulled over this question for a while, not wanting to sound weird or give anything away. “Fantasy. Magic and stuff. I’ve been working on it since seventh grade.”

Christine nodded. “Hey, I forgot to ask earlier, but does this school have a drama program?”

Jeremy shrugged. “Yeah, I think I saw sign-ups for the play go up today.”

Christine smiled happily, and there were a few more minutes of silence before she spoke again. “Do you like drama?”

Jeremy shrugged a bit. “Yeah, I’ve seen a few musicals.” That was a bit of an understatement.

“Which ones?”

“Well....” He hesitates a moment, being careful with the words he picked. “I’ve seen Little Shop and Dear Evan Hansen, and I’m planning on going to see The Lightning Thief when it goes on tour this fall...”

“That’s it?” She looked mildly upset, so Jeremy shook his head.

“No, those are just a few.”

“Well,” Christine looked like she was building up to something and Jeremy did not like it.

“Maybe you could sign up for the play with me?”

_Oh no you don’t! It’s one thing to sit with someone, it’s another entirely to commit to activities!_

“Maybe.”

Jeremy opted to ignore the red rose petals materializing in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative description: my anxiety about depicting someone wrong gets worse  
> Please let me know what I do right and wrong!


	3. Red Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine is a good friend, Jeremy finds a new talent, and Brooke is a good singer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write

As it turns out, “maybe” means “yes” now.  
Jeremy’s instincts weren’t happy about that, but sure enough, it didn’t take long for him to sign the sheet right beneath the neat cursive of “Christine Canigula.”

  
The play rehearsal was... fun. There was something about Shakespeare and zombies, and Christine didn’t seem happy about the latter part. The popular kids - actually most everyone Jeremy knew by name - also were there, for some reason. Jeremy was 78% certain that was not of their own free will. Christine had seemed somewhat interested in Jake, he didn’t return the affection, and it was overall pretty good.

  
At one point, during a break, Christine had started singing Waving Through a Window. Her voice was really nice and she seemed so excited, so Jeremy held up his phone to take a picture. She noticed the flash, and shot a smile. After she was done, his short friend had stated that “Hey, you should text that picture to me!”

  
Jeremy was naive. Jeremy was very deprived of social interaction. Jeremy hadn’t realized the implications of this when he answered, “Okay, sure!”

It took him a minute to realize that “Wait, I don’t have your number.”

  
Jeremy was _an absolute idiot._

  
They exchanged numbers and rehearsal ended, the two separated, and Jeremy walked home.  
It took a few hours for the blue-eyed boy to remember the petals that had appeared earlier. Red rose is new.

Everyone knew rose symbolism, but... definitely not. No, definitely not. There had to be other meanings of rose, he’d just have to find them.

  
And also make sure they applied to the situation.

  
And thus, he started recording The Red Rose Incident.  
He opened a private browsing tab on his laptop and started searching: “red rose meaning.”

  
[Option 1:](https://www.theflowerexpert.com/content/aboutflowers/flowermeanings/rose-flower-meanings)“A red rose is an unmistakeable expression of love.”  
Next.  
[Option 2:](https://www.proflowers.com/blog/history-and-meaning-behind-red-roses)“What’s more classically romantic than red roses?”  
[Option 3: ](https://www.proflowers.com/blog/rose-colors-and-meanings)“Red roses are a time-honored way to say ‘I love you.’”

  
Maybe he should try a different Google search.

  
Nothing turned up, so he continued reading other articles.  
Devotion, admiration, respect. All of them seemed plausible, yet not applicable to the situation.

  
Jeremy ended up resigning himself, labeling the emotion relating to Red Roses as simply “Christine.” With a sigh of defeat, he pulled out his phone and set Christine’s contact as “Redrose.”

Oh, right. The photo.

  
He pulled the image up on his phone, staring. It was actually really good, showing Christine with her eyes close and her head thrown back at a high note. The lighting was perfect.  
Pretty good for a phone photo.

  
**You:** image1  
**Redrose:** wow!! That looks rly good  
**You:** Uh, thanks?  
**Redrose:** that’s my avatar now

  
Jeremy had just asked a girl for her number, he was not going to look for her social media.

  
**You:** Oh cool  
**You:** Hey, why did you ask me to join w/ you?  
**Redrose:** I wanted to join with someone I know  
**Redrose:** I’m a new student I didn’t want to look weird  
**You:** oh  
**You:** Well why did you sit with me  
Redrose: All the other tables were full  
**You:** Tou don’t seem like that would turn you away  
**Redrose:** and you were sitting alone

  
Jeremy chose not to answer that one.  
And what do you know, more red rose.

  
But of course that’s not what they mean.

^^vv<>A<>vv^^

The next couple days went mostly the same. Christine sat with him, they made small talk at lunch, they split up for their next classes, and met up for rehearsal. Christine would launch into an over-the-top performance of a song, occasionally convincing another student to join in. (Jeremy was her usual target, but it turns out Brooke can sing like a goddess.)

Over those next few days, Christine managed to gain the attention of a few more “popular” students. Jake managed to actually start seeing her and Chloe would always cheer Brooke on if she ended up singing.

  
It only took a day for Christine got to the point with them where it wouldn’t be weird to sit at the main table, yet she didn’t leave Jeremy’s. The only word on his mind was why, yet the boy was too much of a coward to ask.  
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

  
On Friday, Brooke, Christine and Jeremy launched into a... decent performance of Sincerely, Me with Jeremy as Jared, Brooke as Connor and Christine as Evan. That was certainly fun, though Brooke did fall strangely silent at a few of Connor’s more “mature” lines. Jeremy was honestly surprised to find she knew the lyrics at all.

^^vv<>A<>vv^^

Then the weekend rolled around. Jeremy went back to research for his greater purpose yet, not unusually, he came up empty.  
Unusually, he got a notification on his phone that wasn’t from Tumblr.

  
_**Redrose:** Can I come over?_  
Jeremy’s dad wasn’t home...  
_**You:** Okay_

  
He sent his address and Christine promised to be over in ten. Jeremy slid the Guide in the usual hiding place and waited.  
He wasn’t experienced with inviting people over, so he wasn’t very certain on how to act normal.

  
So he just started browsing Tumblr.  
It was five minutes before he decided that he might want to open the window like a normal person.  
At first he didn’t notice the short blonde walking on the sidewalk, and when he did, he didn’t give it much thought.

  
Then he noticed the sunlight caused a faint glint in Rich’s skin. Three markings branched from his eyes, pale and shiny like a burn mark.  

  
It was just a coincidence, right?  
Jeremy shook his head and turned away. It was a coincidence, obviously.  
He still took the Guide out and jotted down a note.  
It was a coincidence, just like red roses symbolizing love.

  
He still traced a hand across the faint golden markings running through his skin, branching out in three beneath his eyes.  
Then he concentrated until the markings were almost gone, only noticeable if you were looking for them specifically.

  
The markings were a coincidence.  
It was all a coincidence.  
He didn’t need more complications right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Once again, constructive criticism is always appreciated! Let me know what I did right and wrong!  
> As mentioned in the tags, there will be a lot of typos and it pains me that i don’t catch them all but they’re there.  
> Also, just a note, Jeremy uses iMessage so any nicknames are seen by him and him alone and are just his contact name.  
> Lastly, Jeremy's searches are actual searches I made, and there are links to the page where I got the quote.


	4. Totally 100% Coincidental

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting is fun. Sudden memories aren't.

Christine walked in to Jeremy rocking slowly on his bed while slowly muttering something about coincidences, burns and the color gold.

  
Good start to the day.

  
Jeremy looked up at his friend and instantly pulled his act together, smiling and only barely running his fingers against his arm.  
“Hi, yeah, sorry about that,” He muttered out as quickly as possible. Seeing Christine’s concerned look, he waved his hands around. “It’s nothing, I just saw some weird shit and it’s been on my mind.”

  
Christine nodded understandingly, even though she still looked slightly worried.

  
“Uh, so...” Jeremy hesitated, walking to the door. “Why did you want to come over?”

  
Christine purses her lips a moment. “My dad’s in Illinois for business, my mom’s visiting someone for the day, and I can’t survive off cereal and oatmeal.”

  
“Oh, food?” Jeremy nodded as he made his way to the kitchen. “I can do that.”

  
Cut an hour ahead, and the two were sharing mugs of tea and macaroni with Jeremy’s musical playlist in the background because dear lord he had no idea what this girl liked _literally anything else ran the risk of weirding her out._

  
It was weirdly quiet and slightly awkward. _I should say something what should I say oh God-_

  
“So,” Christine prompted. “What were you freaking out about earlier?”

  
“Nothing,” Jeremy promised hastily, catching a glimpse of white out of the corner of his eye. He turned slightly, noticing it was a small blossom of Christmas Rose drifting from the sky.

  
Oh wow, he was so anxious there were flowers.  
Nope, not a good start.

  
“Are you sure?” Christine pressed, putting her dishes by the sink. “You seemed pretty shaken-up.”

  
“Yup! Definitely! Of course!” Jeremy was moving around quite a bit now, trying to cover up the blossoms. “It’s a coincidence, it was a coincidence, it was all a coincidence.” Okay, he was acting hysterical now. For a theater nerd, Jeremy was awful at improv.

  
Christine’s eyebrows knit together, but she didn’t press further.

  
Jeremy’s heartbeat slowed a bit, and he noticed a few blossoms dissipate. “Thank goodness,” he muttered, his voice barely rising above a breath. The boy sat down again, actively trying to slow his breathing as he thought of a new conversation starter. “So your dad’s out of state on business? Who does he work for?”

Christine took a deep breath, as though she was also trying to calm down. “Oh, he works with computers. You know that big company, Quill Computers? Yeah, that.”

  
Jeremy’s breath quickened and a small headache formed in the back of his head. It started as a few needles of pain, ones he easily ignored as he smiled and nodded and looked interested in what his friend was talking about.  
Then a fiery bolt of pain shot through his skull. Jeremy shot a hand to his head and grimaced, his vision overcome by total darkness. He could just barely make out a pale blue figure or hear a calm voice call his name-

  
And then it was gone.  
No, no, _no, no, NO!  
That was a lead!_

  
But the memory was gone.

  
“Jeremy?” He glances up to see a very concerned Christine. “You kinda dazed out for a moment- like, you yelped and then just kinda went out of focus? Like your eyes fogged over? Are you sure your okay?”

  
Jeremy first instinct was to say that _of course I’m fine it was just a headache, yet something told him to do otherwise._ He couldn’t put his finger on how, but he knew that wouldn’t work.

  
“I actually don’t think I am,” Jeremy muttered. He felt like he was being guided by an outside force, yet he also knew it would help. “But I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can hang out today. Maybe another time?”

  
Woah, that was weird. And it sounded nothing like him.

  
It worked, though. He felt somewhat out of it for the next few moments, but he remembered Christine nodding understandingly and gathering her things.

  
Next thing he knew, Jeremy was sitting on his bed with the Guide in his hands.

  
He stared at an empty page and, at a loss for words, wrote two large letters:  
_**QC**_

  
^^vv <>A<>^^vv

  
Jeremy’s mind was foggy the rest of the day. He wasn’t paying attention and didn’t know how he got there, but he lasted until Sunday when he was suddenly staring at his black phone screen.  
_Okay. I just need to decide on a course of action..._

  
**You:** Sorry about yesterday  
**You:** It must have been a bug or something, I wasn’t feeling great  
**Redrose:** Oh, I hope you’re feeling better  
**You:** Don’t worry I’m fine  
**You:** I hope I didn’t give you anything though  
**Redrose:** No I’m fine

  
Jeremy mulled over what to do next for a moment before taking a deep breath in and replying.

  
**You:** Phew  
**You:** Can I ask you for something  
**Redrose:** Yeah sure  
**You:** I don’t want to sit w/ everyone else tomorrow  
**You:** But I do want to talk to Rich  
**You:** you seem to have some points w/ everyone else  
**Redrose:** I see where this is going  
**You:** Can you ask Rich to sit w/ us tomorrow  
**Redrose:** Sure  
**Redrose:** But Michael might come too  
**Redrose:** they’re practically connected at the hip  
**You:** thx  
**Redrose:** Why?

  
Jeremy’s breath caught.  _Oh god I did not think this through._

_**Redrose:** Will you tell me some other time?  
**You:** Maybe_

  
And he left it at that.

  
^^vv <>A<>vv^^

  
Monday rolled around and Christine met with Jeremy at the school doors. The latter clutched the familiar red rose petals in his fist as he waved at his friend.

  
“Hi!” The short girl waved happily.

  
“Sorry about Saturday,” Jeremy muttered. “Again.”

  
“It’s fine,” Christine assured him.

By now the two had reached the area where their classes split, so she waved goodbye and started skipping towards her own class.

  
Jeremy took deep breaths in and out, eyes scanning the classes as he stepped into his own. His finger traced the faint markings beneath his eyes and on his arms, leaving a faint golden trail with each stroke.

  
Rich may have... Abilities. QC may be important, and Christine may be his ticket to both.

Yet he doesn’t want to use her.

Jeremy sighed and rested his head in his hand. He couldn’t get what he needed without either using her or telling her, the latter was out of the question, and something about the former felt wrong.

  
So overall, life was pretty good.

Jeremy had never noticed how sarcastic her was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write suspense to save my life but I guess you can take this anyway.  
> Constructive criticism is encouraged!!


End file.
